I heard footsteps sounding and resounding all over the stairs all the night. Twice,I felt like being throttled ,I even said ‘adieu’ to my life, my beloved life.I now don’t understand what made me sure that someone would steal upstairs,breaking in the iron seals , and stranggle me to death .
This happened when I was alone at home,when everyone was celebrating Dashain vacation,I was gaurding the house alone. At first, I was not ready but k garne basnai paryo. More so, It was just the matter of a day .But the very day turned out to be a terrible one. I was terror-striken all day . One might wonder, why on earth should I be terror-strikken during even the broad-daylight.Yes, there were some reasons.The prime fear factor was Dostoyevsky . Imagine reading ‘Crime and Punishment’ by Dostoyevsky all alone in the house. I was reading it when the protagonist’s insanity/sanity was soaring up,so much so that,I was driven mad too.There were circumstances of murder,intellectually contrived one and the the cat-mice game of spying,there was madness, delirium,inteligence, poverty,indignation,question of dignity k k k k………
God…I was nearly out of mind. I had heard it that a book’s effect depends upon the circumstances in which you are reading it, and I experienced it firsthand.Thats why I kept on hearing footsteps in the stairs.How terrible. But this novel is faboulous , very very exciting….Oh I am digressing , I was talking about the fear factor.Another factor was the green factor, evidently the jealousy.I was extremely jealous of the guy who shut himself inside his room all day with his girl( Ahem! does it sound lil confessionary? but aaphule aafaisanga juth bolna ta sakidaina ni gathe), I was extremely jealous and eaten up by longings!!!and the string of madness was pulled more voilently .
The thing is that , Dostoyevsky’s ‘Crime and Punishment’ is enough to drive you crize , and besides you are alone and lonely and eaten up by longings!! and most importantly, my vulnerability and sensitiveness….God!!!! Yesto lagchha…someday I’l certainly go nuts.I think I can understand this riddle of crime,suffering,redemption,happiness and the punishment.I shall write more about the impression of book over me, later on
I like the honesty with which you write uhileko blogs dekhi aile samma..praiseworthy actually, I don’t think we have any Nepali blogger who blogs with such candor…and to be very honest myself timro green factor bare pade pachi malai ni yo kitab kasto raicha vanera padhne ikshya jagera ayo
afaisanga dhantna milena ni 
oh ani malai timrai purano blog ko line yahan ( tei sandarvama) quote garna sandarbhik lagyo :”चाहना आकासिएको बेला अनुपस्थिति नियति नै हो ” :)btw euta kura…y don’t you ‘import’ all your entries from the older blog sites you have maintained in this site?I think its sad to kinda ‘kill’ your writing by making them extinct..after all they (‘writing)helps helps us carry on with life ni….i hope you got wat I am trying to say here
I thought there were some other factors of the day… within those 24hrs… & I didn’t realize you were that frightened…
& the jealousy – thats truly true… i can imagine.
Yah!D
Crime and Punishment is a must-read book . I will try to post the earlier ones,thanks.”चाहना आकासिएको बेला अनुपस्थिति नियति नै हो “..This statement was really a punching one,but it was coined by someone else, not me. Green Factor is really terrible.
Dear S,
Of course there were some other factors..which soothed my evenings..I was terrified all the day and the night but not in the evening.I was calm n soothed in the evening, sorry for not skipping this fact.And yes..Jealousy is always there.That always drives life ahead…but the only thing is,we should not let ourselves eaten up by jealousy,but should enjoy the sufferings of jealousy.