कतै जाम न !!

जहाँ भर्खर दाईं गरिएका खलाहरुमा डांग्रेका चुच्चाले रहलपहल धान खोजिरहेका  होलान् । त्यो बेंशी काटेर उकालो लागम् ।  मङसिरको मास; बाटामा जन्ती भेटिएलान् ,पलस टु बाट फर्केका केटाकेटी भेटिएलान, आलुको बिउ बोकेर झरेकी आमै भेटिएलिन्, सुन्तला बेच्न हिडेका बा भेटिएलान्, कतार मलेसियाबाट फर्केका दाइहरु भेटिएलान् । चौतारीमा बिसाउँदै बिसाउँदै सबैसँग सन्चोबिसन्चो सोद्दै हिडम्ला । तिमीले घरि घरि त्यहि हिमालतिर क्यामरा सोझ्याईराख्नपर्दैन। माथीबाट अझ राम्रो भ्यु देखिन्छ; एकसयअसी डिग्रीको पुरै रेन्ज । दैलै अगाडीको झलमल्ल हिमाललाइ क्यामरामा कैद गर्न मात्र हैन गर्ल्याम्म अङगालो हाल्न र निधारमा म्वाईं खान समेत पाउनेछौ । एउटा पुरै दिन तिमीले सुर्योदयदेखी सुर्यास्तसम्मै त्यो हिमाल र पहाडको बदलिदों तस्विर खिचौला माथी थुम्कोबाट। बिहानको प्रथम किरण देखी घामले बादलसँग लुकामारी खेल्दै वल्लो डाडाँ देखी पल्लो डाँडाँ सम्म फन्को मार्दा छिनछिनमा पहाडले बदल्ने रंग र लय तिमीलाई साँच्चै मनपर्ने छ । त्यतिन्जेल म मजाले घाममा निदाउनेछु अनि ब्युँझेपछि तिमीसँग किचकिच गरिरहनेछु “छिटो जाम्न” भन्दै, त्यतिबेला तिमी “एकछिन न” भन्दै ट्राइपड घुमाइरहौला।

म त चिसोले पेट ढाडिउन्जेल सुन्तला खानेछु । तिमी जति सुकै कराउ । तिमीले पनि त मैले भनेको बेलामा टोपी लगाउँछौं र ? तिम्लाई गुन्द्रुक भट्मासको झोलभन्दा बरु दालै मनपर्छ हैन ? मलाई दिक्क लाग्नेछ तिम्रा इनएक्टिभ टेस्टबडहरुदेखी । ठूलो स्टिलको ग्लासभरी बाक्लो न बाक्लो दुधको कडा चिया मैले मगाउँदा तिमीले सानो प्रोसेलिनको कपमा ब्ल्याक टि मगाउनेछौ ।मलाई रिसले तिम्रो कानै उखेलिदिउँ जस्तो लाग्नेछ, फेरी चिसोले रातो भएको तिम्रो कान छोएपछी मलाई पक्कै माया लाग्नेछ।

मैले साँझ बिहानै लोकल कुखुराको झोल र भुटन मगाउँदा तिमी लुकेर पर्स स्क्यान गर्नेछौ ।त्यो चाल पाएर मैले नारीवादी दर्शन छाँट्न थाल्नेछु ।“कत्तिन  केटि मान्छेले पैसा तिर्नै नहुने जस्तो, Chauvinist” भन्दै कराउनेछु।तिमी ठुस्केर भित्र भान्साभित्र पसेर अगेनामा होटलसाहुनी दिदीसँग बात मार्न थाल्नेछौं ।अनि म पनि खुसुखुसु अगेनानेर घुस्रनेछु तिमीसँगै ढेस्सीदै । तिमी पर सर्न खोजौला। म झन् झन् नजिक नजिक टासिनेछु। भर्खरै बिहान नुहाएको मेरो कपालको ताजा बास्नालाई तिमी resist गर्न सक्नेछैनौ ।त्यतिबेला तिम्रो अनुहार लाजले गुलाबी होला।हा..हा, हेर्न लायकको होला। होटल साहुनी तिम्रो गुलाबी मुहारको छनक र मेरो चन्चल आखाँको सनक बुझेर दाउरा ल्याउने निहुँमा बाहिर निस्केलिन । चुलोभित्र दाउरा मिलाउने निहुँमा तिमी बिस्तारै मेरो औंला छुन खोजौला । मेरो पालो, म पनि “घाम ताप्छु” भन्दै बाहिर निस्कनेछु । कलिलो घामले पोतिएको मझेरी हुँदै म बाहिर गएको बाटो तिमी हेरिरहौला । मलाई त्यसरी हेर्दा तिम्रो अनुहारमा छचल्किएको त्यो भावलाई म अँखिझ्यालको प्वाल बाट हेर्नेछु। अनि तिमी मुस्कुराएको देख्दा म पनि मुस्कुराउनेछु ।

भर्खरैको ताजा परालले बुनेको गुन्द्रीमाथी पल्टदै म टमस हार्डीको “फार फर्म द म्याडीङ्ग क्राउड” पढ्नेछु ।त्यतिबेला तिमीले ईन्स्ट्यान्ट हाइकु लेख्नु र मलाई सुनाउनु । अनि म तिमीलाइ मेरो अनुहारको स्केच बनाउन भन्नेछु ।तिमीले “त्यसोभए मलाइ हेरेर बस न त” भनौला । मैले फेरि “तिम्रो मनभित्र मेरो कस्तो अनुहार देखिन्छ, त्यस्तै बनाउ” भन्नेछु । तिमीले नाक बाङ्गो र ओठ बाक्लो भएको स्केच बनाउनेछौ । म रिसले आखाँ तर्नेछु । फेरि तिमीले आँखा छड्के भएको स्केच बनाउने छौ । मैले चित्त दुखाउने छु । तिमी जानी जानी मलाइ चिढाउनलाइ राम्रो स्केच बनाउने छैनौ ।तिमीले त्यसो गर्दा मलाइ तिमीसँग एकदमै रिस उठ्नेछ । र मैले तिमीलाइ धाराप्रवाह आरोप लगाउन थाल्नेछु “तिमीले मलाई कहिल्यै माया गरेनौ; कैलेकाही त मलाइ लाग्छ तिमी वास्तवमा कुनै सोलमेटको पर्खाइमा छौ र मसँग त खाली टाइमपास मात्र गरिराखेको छौ” त्यतिबेला तिमीले सधैको जस्तो एउटा सिल्ली मुस्कान दिनेछौ ।म झन् उग्र भएर “don’t crack that silly smile like a clown” भन्दै कराउनेछु ।त्यतिबेला तिमीलाइ मनमनै लाग्ला“यो केटि कति छुच्ची हो…योसँग बाँकी जिन्दगी कसरी बिताउने होला”। तिमीलाइ थाहा छ यस्तो बेलामा तिमी केहिपनि नबोलेको मलाइ मनपर्दैन । अनि म पिलपिल गर्न थाल्ने छु। मैले सुटुक्क आशुँ पुछेको तिमीले मेसो पाउने छैनौ । तिमी साँच्चै कति बुद्घु छौ । म जुरुक्क उठेर कोठामा चुकुल लगाएर सिरकले मुख छोपेर साक्क र सुक्क गर्न थाल्नेछु ।“एउटा राम्रो भ्याकेशन मनाउँ भन्ने सुरले बल्ल बल्ल आएको तेइपनि….” यस्तो सोच्दासोच्दै पुरै सिरानी भिज्ने छ ।यता तिमी बाहिर गुन्द्रीमै; बेखबर । स्वास्नीमान्छेको काँचको मन, ठट्टैमा फुटिहाल्छ ।तिमी धेरैजसो बुझ्दैनौ यस्तो कुरा । यता म बिनसित्तिमा आशुँ बगाइरहदा तिमीले मेरो सुन्दर स्केच बनाउने छौ र सुटुक्क खल्तीमा हाल्नेछौ ।कुनैबेला सरप्राइज दिनको लागि ।

यता म धेरैबेर रोइसक्दा पनि तिमी नआएपछि म आफैं आउनेछु र नजिक बस्नेछु । तिमीले सहज भावमा सोध्नेछौ “आज राती के खाने?” । म केहि बोल्नेछैन । फेरी एक्कासी मेरो दिमागमा एउटा आइडीया आउनेछ । अनि म भन्नेछु  “एउटा कुरा भनम”
“भनन”
“आज नि….”
“अँ..”
“आज राती……”
“के ?”
“आज.. उ के…. केरे.. रक्सी खाम न”
रक्सी?
“तोङ्बा के..हुन्छ नि प्योरवाला…”
“हुँ…नखाने”
“प्लिज के..”
“वाइन स्वाइन पाइने भए त खान हुन्थ्यो…”
“ह्या गाउँमा आएर पनि के को वाइन..”
“होस  …”
“खाम् न के.. पैसा मै तिर्छु”
तिमी हुँदैन भन्दै टाउको हल्लाउँनेछौ । म निराश हुँदै निधार खुम्चाउने छु ।
अनि अरु के के होला ?त्यो साँझ रक्सी खाइएला कि नखाइएला ?  बाँकी सोच्ने काम तिम्रो ……..

Life is a Big shining wine glass and it rocks when it is filled with sparkling splashing sweet red wine. Lately my glass had gone dry, torrid and about to explode(you know how delicate it is),but,the God’s grace worked wonder, my parching glass was replenished with red sweet wine with such a generosity . And now everything feels renewed, life’s re-smeared with fresh tender pink.Tipsy tipsy..this is a beautiful feeling.

Thanks for the “I love you”.

कति बेरको सपनी – कतिन्जेलको साथको कुरा!
जति बेरको सपनी – तेतिन्जेलको साथको कुरा!!

Whenever I am sad, I look into the sky. This time my sadness lingered longer and I looked into the sky for longer period of time. The sky shares your sadness, I’ve always thought so. Someone’s just smeared the horizon with tender saffron, up to where the sky has been stretched out. They say the sky goes to the infinity but how you believe it when you don’t see anything yonder the hill? (But this never wondered me because I have taken the infinity for granted). Some say Sky’s nothing but a vacuum and isn’t it a genius of mankind that measured the void and named the nothingness?  .Whatever, I believe in that mystic force of the sky that keeps us afloat in the air, along with the billions of celestial bodies.

 There’s something in the sky that steals your sadness and scatters all over the sky. Those perforated piece of clouds are the perforated piece of your jaded dreams, just been stolen from your heart, it feels so. And those wandering clouds give the sky the look of a worn out quilt of a penniless wanderer, with perforated feathers and fibers inside. Every one of us coil and uncoil and recoil under this huge quilt of the sky never shuddering  lest we might fall down to some spot of the Andromeda Nebula since all we are doing is floating in the air. Unconsciously, we entrust our lives to the force of the sky that keeps us afloat.
 
The deep gaze and meditation towards the sky looses the tightened ropes of the earthly affairs and lessens the pain. It makes you feel what a teeny-weeny existence you bear, it compels you to think how small you are, how small your boss is, how small your men/women folks are, how small everything is, how small your dream is, how small your sadness is, in fact how small your earth is. Bertrand Russell has written somewhere that, there might be creatures residing in some planet, to whom we might be what Jellyfish are to us. It relieves a lot when you realize what a small thing is it that you are crying for, that you are hurting your people for.

This sixth-day moon of the waning phase tells me about the inevitability of the waxing-and-waning phase, moments and events of life. The Sky alone has a lot to teach us, we just need to keep our faculty of wonder open. And hey, have you ever loved the Jupiter like your father?  I have. Previously, it used to be my lucky star. Star, brighter the luckier. Just a sight of it would made my another day better. Then later I realized it was my father blessing me every time I greet it. It was glittering like my father, it was graceful like my father and it was distant like my father. Finally I was told that my brightest star is actually not a star but the Jupiter and I happened to love it more than before for I loved the person who introduced me with the Jupiter. And see, now Jupiter symbolizes what I live for, it’s my luck, it’s my grace, it’s my dream and it’s my father .

 I feel familiar to all the stars and bodies of the sky, they are like friends, amiable and cool .I converse with those stars and they twinkle back. It’s a strange relationship. I read somewhere, when we are looking at the stars; we are looking a long way back to ourselves. Stars are history in themselves, and they are our history. When we are seeing the star which is a certain light year far from us, we are seeing certain year older star, and if there’s someone atop the star looking at us, s/he might be seeing us certain year older. Did you get my point? It’s not complicated at all .May be I will talk about it later. And this History-factor of the star tells   you what a bubble you are comparing to those colossal bodies and forces which are at work in the universe since the time we can not even imagine.

 Just think, how many times do we revolve around the sun in our life? In majority of the case, not even a hundred times. And we still boast of being superior to ourselves? And we still are fighting for our twopence ego? And we still strive to win the world? .Oh God!! I’ve been digressing!!I was actually talking about the sadness and the sky. Anyways, now I feel better. I love my mother who is blooming with broccoli and standing tall like the peepal tree   in the earth and I love my father who sits at a pole of the Jupiter with an advanced telescope, and I am afloat in the air with all the people I love, between the earth and the sky.

I had a terrible dream last night

A nightmare I must say

 The Jupitar crashed and there was rain of ashes and metorids and novas.I rushed inside and clinged to my best friend . The sun immidiately went down ,the mountains were blackened by ashes.Three moons of Jupiter were clearly visible . I told everyone about the ensuing crisis but no one believed me .No one could see those three moons I was seeing , I was all alone,everything went normal for everyone except me , I still saw three moons, black mountains and destroyed buildings . I cried like monsoon.No one still believed me ,all my loved ones turned their back towards me.

GOD!!! What a terrible dream, it was not only the end of my life but also of the mother earth,which was simply unbearable.What will we do if really Jupiter’s moon fall down to the earth, crashing everything into dust n ashes ? Can we migrate to some other planet in that case ? we are floating in the air for sure, for the earth is floating in the air.what will we really do if the earth itself shoved it to the sun ? …………………………………..

I can do nothing but to beg with Jupiter !! Dear Jupiter ,hide your moons.I love my earth, I love the water,the soil, the land, the trees and everything here. I don’t want to rise to your world.

I can live clinging to pain too ,but, with love not with hatred.

I admire unconditional and dutyful intimacy but not this ill-mannered and sickly one.

You won’t let me live with my choice, but I beg, let me live with my dream.

I am sorry for not being able to support you in this ordeal.Forgive my instinct.I really can’t live with hatred and suffocation.I can perfectly understand your notion too,but k garne, Dil hai ki manta nahin.

Save my Home!!