तिम्रो फुटेको मुटु
मेरो बहेको रगतले रसाऔं
मेरो फाटेको हिया
तिम्रो काटेको छालाले टालौं।

मलाई रोपेको सियोले
तिम्रो गढेको काँडा झिकौं
तिमीलाई ठोकेको नेलले
मलाई छोपेको माटो फालौं।

मलाई कसेको डोरीले
तिम्रो खण्डित आशा बाधौं
तिमीलाई धसेको खुकुरीले
मलाई कसेको डोरी काटौं ।
आऊ साथी काँधमा काँध मिलाऊ ।

The poet is my Dad,again, and I dedicate this to you,dear Sangharsha….

It was great listening to those appreciations, and it was greater, again, to hear some serious doubts, scrutinized criticisms from some honest skeptics. My former boss, told me about the post ‘I felt uncomfortable Avinashi jee, k k kasto kasto k…kaha naturally hune Kura lai bhagwansanga lagera jodera….’ ‘Agreed sir! ‘I retorted. And again I got a mail from faraway, from a practicing Alchemist. I am posting that here jastako tastai:
I sometimes read your blogs
I sometimes read your blogs, whenever I get time and I can remember there are interesting ideas that I can read without paying a penny, and generally, they are filled up with good stuffs. As of few days, I am feeling a too much feministic waves in your blog, and in this article. I am feeling like this, maybe I have cleaned my mind with the unpleasant cultural aspects raised with monthly cycles in our society, which are outcomes of greater socio-economic problems. These problems will be no more a big problem, if we educated and aware people try beginning to clean up the traditional mindsets in our own home. Anyway the issue, I want to make aware is not this, but something else.
I think, no educated and open minded man, who has understood the natural physiology disagrees with your idea of natural highhandedness bestowed to women (and also to all the females of a species) by Mother Nature. But highlighting this very universal truth as subject of greater emphasis of natural advantage over male is not so good idea. Sometimes, I think beauty in many other species of life is a matter of male subject, rather than female: see peacock over peahen, and male of superior bird paradise to female, or exotic fishes, there is a long list.. But Avinashi’s, this blog is trying to demonstrate the highhandedness over the other wheel of life. Its Nature’s decision-male cannot even feel this delightment of peeing blood……
Similarly, this blog has so many contradictory remarks, like menstruation is Gods’ updation of woman, so what about post-menstruation women, are they outdated? “…God loves when you are peeing…” so what about those ladies who completed that particular period of lifecycle?  It also says, peeing blood is the sole and greatest purpose of life, and who created the garbage there?  Your blog also indirectly approves the traditional male dominated idea of taking woman as machine…
Sometimes writers explain the physiochemical process so funny…same is here machines, robots….
I think you are among few persons who have known so much about humiliation that woman undergoes in these 4 days due to mindset of our society. We all have read the hateful issues that the women of remote areas like far-western Nepal go through. You have reached so many such areas, why don’t you raise those here.

What a momentum! What a refine and precise points, Mr.Karki, I am indebted.
So, now should I have to tell anything further? I don’t know. I am but a Ghost, of a dead writer, blogger. I just want to say, One day I will come up with a better manifestation of my random dots of thoughts.
Thanks a lot for everyone, who read and commented and also to those who did not.

Makes you run

The shrunken hours

Sieze your powers

The vile chill

Kill it will

Hark! baby-bunting

Winter’s coming a-hunting……

न्यायधीश गंभीर भएर राधिका तर्फ हेर्छन ।राधिकाको शीर झुकेको भएपनि नूर गिरेको थिएन ।उनको भावपूर्ण अनुहारका तेजिला आखाँले घरि भुँई र घरि न्यायधीशको अनुहारलाई घोची रहेका थिए।उनका बाबु, दाजु र अन्य माईतीहरु ईजलासको बाहिर पट्टि थिए। इजलासको गतिविधीसँग बिचराहरु अनभिज्ञ थिए ।आफ्नै छोरी र बहिनीबाट उनीहरुको योजना भत्किरहेको कुरा उनीहरुलाई के अड्कल ?
छोटो समयको स्तब्धतालाई तोड्दै न्यायधीशले पून राधिकालाई कोट्याउने प्रयत्न गर्छन “तपाईंको प्रत्युत्तर पत्र झुट्ठा हो त?”
 केहि अन्कनाएर राधिका बोल्छिन “मेरो हित चिन्तकहरुले गर्न लगाएको कुरा म कसरी भनौं”
 ”तपाईंको श्रीमानसँग सहबास भएको छ कि छैन त?”
 ”छैन” राधिका निर्धक्क भन्छिन ।
“त्यसो भए तपाईंलाई वादीले लगाएको आरोपमा तपाईं सावित हुनुभयो ।यो मुद्दामा तपाईंको हार हुन्छ “”मेरो जीत हुदैन न्याय पाउँदिन त मैले अगाडी नै भनिसकेकी छु”
न्यायधीशको बल्ल बल्ल पलाएको तुजुकलाई राधिकाको जवाफले निस्तेज पारिदियो ।न्यायधीश पून सोच मग्न भए ।उनलाई यो घटना अभुतपुर्व लाग्यो ।आजसम्मको सबभन्दा असजिलोपना यसैलाई ठाने।प्रतिवादीले वादीकै पक्षमा न्याय मागेको र प्रत्युत्तर पत्रमा एउटा कुरा अनि मुखले अर्को कुरा माग्ने झगडिया न उनले कहिल्यै भेटेका थिएनन् ,न त यस्तो होला भन्ने सोचाई नै थियो ।उनले पढेको कानुन र न्याय शास्त्रमा यस्तो कुरा उल्लेख पनि थिएन ।उनको इजलासमा यस्तो खालको झगडिया उभिएकै थिएन।जे होस कानुनको सम्राट हो, सधैं कागज प्रमाणको घोडामा सवार गर्छ । लिखितमका अगाडी बकितमको के अर्थ? प्रत्युत्तरपत्रमै लेखिएको कुरा सत्य मान्नुपर्छ।कानुनले न्याय नगरेपनि फैसला त गर्नै पर्छ ।यस्तै सोचाईले गर्दा न्यायधीशको असमन्जस्यताको स्थितीमा केहि परिवर्तन आयो र फेरि राधिकाको अनुहारतर्फ हँसिलो दृष्टी फैलाएर सोध्छन:
‘खैर जे सुकै होस, एउटा कुरो भन्नुस, तपाईंको पेटमा भएको गर्भ कस्को हो?”
“मेरो पेटको गर्भ अरु कसैको हुनै सक्तैन।त्यो मेरो हो।आफ्नो पेट भित्रको बस्तुपनि अरु कसैको हुन सक्छ र?”

राधिकाको यो अभिब्यक्तिले न्यायधीशको सिस्मयतामा झन् वृद्धि भयो ।”विचारीले भनेझै‌ दिमागै ठीक नभएको त हैन राधिकाको?” भन्ने सोचाइ पनि आयो ।अलपत्र परेका न्यायधीशलाई देखेर राधीकाले आफ्नो भनाईलाई पुष्टि गर्दै, रुन्चे तर विद्रोहको स्वरमा बोलिन:

“सुन्नुहोस श्रीमान् न्याधीशज्यु , नारी उर्वरा भुमि हो । आकाशबाट कुनै चराले एउटा दाना खसालीदिए पनि धरतीले त्यसलाई उमार्छिन् नै, विचरी धरतीलाई के थाहा उस्को छातीमा विउ राखीदिने कुन पुरुषत्व हो? आवश्यकता नै किन त्यस्को जानकारी लिन?कुन कुखुरीको भालेले मद्दत गरेको छ चल्ला काढ्न र हुर्काउन? कुन चराको अदालतमा संबन्ध बिच्छेद र अंशका मुद्दा छन र? मान्छे झन् जेठो चेतन प्राणी भएर पनि मुद्दा मामिला किन?चेतनाको उपज के झगडा हो ?  विन्ती लागोस श्रीमान !म भित्रको भ्रुण जन्माएर हुर्काउने मेरो जिम्मेवारी हो । धरतीमा जन्मेको हरेक प्राणीले धरती भोग्न पाउँछ । म बाट जन्मनेलाई पनि त्यो अधिकार हुनुपर्छ ।तपाईंको इजलासमा मैले आशा गर्ने कुरा यही मात्र हो । तपाईं असमर्थ हुनुहुन्छ भने मेरो के लाग्छ र ?तपाईंको कुर्सीको दायित्व भित्र मेरो जिकीर नछिर्न सक्छ ।मेरो कुरा त त्यही हो श्रीमान !”

 दर्शन शास्त्रको प्रवचन सुन्दासुन्दै संम्मोहित भएको श्रोता झैं न्यायधीश त जिल्ल परेर लठ्ठिए । आफ्नो अगाडी उभिएकी एउटी झगडिया नारीलाई त दर्शनशास्त्रको पुस्तक जस्तै देख्न थाले ।न्यायधीशमा अब एएटा नयाँ बिचार फुरेर आयो ।जागिर सागिर छोडेर राधिकाको अंग प्रत्यंग केलाएर अध्ययन गरौं जस्तो लाग्यो ।गाउँले पाराको सारी ब्लाउज लगाएको चौबिस वर्षिय एउटी केटी राधिकाको अनुहारमा दिब्य ज्योति देखे न्यायधीशले । उनी तिल्मीलाए ।

कैलेकाही कुनै ठाउँमा घट्ने सानातिना घटनाहरुले ईतिहासका घुम्तिहरु बदलिन्छन ।मानिसहरुका मान्यताका पर्खालहरु ढल्छन भन्ने कुरा न्यायधीशले कतै पढेका थिए ।आज उनलाई त्यसको स्मृति भयो । एउटा सामाजिक मान्यता बोकेर एकोहोरो सोचाईमा बगिरहेको न्यायधीशको मानसपटल आज अनायस रोकिन पुग्यो ।उनको मान्यता तिरमिर तिरमिर भएर रुमल्लियो ।उनको इजलासमा कुनै झगडिया सावित हुदैनथ्यो । आफ्नै प्रतिकुल न्याय माग्दैनथ्यो । सबै झगडीयाहरु आ-आफ्ना दावीलाई पुष्टि गर्ने सबुद तेर्साएर अडिग हुन्थे। ।उनीहरुको यस्तो हुनुले पो न्यायधीशको कुर्सीको मर्यादा थियो ।आज सबै राधिकाले खल्बलाईदिईन ।उनी घोरिएको घोरियै भए ।उनको अनुहार देखेर राधिकालाई टीठ लागेर आयो । फैसलाको कुरालाई परै छोडेर राधिकाबाट अझै केही खोतल्ने रहर भने न्यायधीशमा मरेको थिएन ।इजलास भन्दा बाहिर घर वा डेरामा कुरा गर्नु बेश होला भन्ने सोच आयो तर फेरि  झगडियासँग घरडेरामा कुरा गर्दा उल्टै अवगाल आउनसक्ने कुराले उन्लाई झस्कायो ।
ठूलो साहसले उनले राधिका तर्फ हेरे र मुख फोरे “मलाई न्यायधीश नसम्झि एउटा मान्छेमात्र ठानेर भन्नुहोस न त तपाईंका कुरा,” राधिकाले ठानिन्, कुनै अर्थ ननिस्कने ठाउँमा विगतलाई कोट्याएर किन समय खेर फाल्नु ? तर न्यायधीशको विवेकशिलतालाई नकार्न नसकेर राधिका भन्छिन “मेरो निको नहुने घाउलाइ कोट्याएर पीप बग्न नसकेको रापिएको रगतलाइ छताछुल्ल पार्नुमा के अर्थ होला र श्रीमान ?भो छाड्नुहोस तपाईंको जिरह”
आफ्नो कतुहलता जगाउँदै न्यायधीश भन्छन “रहस्यलाई उदांग हेर्न चाहनु मानविय स्वभाव हो ।यो कुर्सी बाट मैले तपाईंका चाहना पुरा गर्न नसकेपनि बाहिरबाट केहि गर्न सक्छु कि?कृपया मलाइ विस्मीत अवश्थामा नछाडी दिनुहोस न”
प्रकृतिजन्य मान्छे जस्तो भएर न्यायधीश पनि यथार्थमा उत्रन खोजेजस्तो लागेर राधिका भन्दै जान्छिन “तपाईंको जिज्ञाशालाई तृप्तिनै चाहियो भने सुन्नुहोस मेरो विगत ।उत्तेजित र अझ अधैर्य नबन्नुहोला । ”

“म छेउघरे पण्डित चण्डी प्रसादकी कान्छी छोरी हुँ ।दाजुहरुले पनि मौकैमा शिक्षा पाएकोले मैले पनि धेरै थोरै अशिक्षित बस्नु परेन। बीस वर्षकै उमेरमा मेरो विवाह नारायण प्रसाद चापागाईंसँग वैदिक विधी अनुसार सम्पन्न भयो ।विवाह भएदेखी नै  मेरा पति सुब्बा जागिर खाएर धुलिखेलमा बसे । विवाह भएदेखी नै मेरा पति सुब्बा जागिर खाएर धुलिखेलमा बसे ।घरमा सासु ससुरा र बस्तुभाउको सेवा गर्नमा म लागें । दाईजो गर्दुवामा कुरा नमिलेर हो वा अन्तै अर्कै सुर भएर हो मेरा पति मसँग आकृष्ट भएनन ।यदाकदा घरमा आउँदा पनि मसँग बोलचाल गरेनन् ।१५ वर्षको उमेरदेखि पुरुष प्रति आकृष्ट हुन थालेकी मैले पुरुषको माया र न्यानो पाउन सकिन ।आफ्ना उमेरका दिदी बहिनीहरुले काखमा बच्चा तेर्साएको देख्दा मलाई पनि लोभ लाग्दथ्यो ।म मा पनि मातृत्व सल्बलाएको थियो ।तर जे भए पनि गाउँको परम्परा अनुसार एउटी आदर्श हिन्दु नारी भएर पति जपेर बस्नु नै पुण्य हो भन्ने ठानेर घरकाजमै रमाएकी थिएँ । म माथि कसैले षडयन्त्र गरे पनि मलाई कुनै पत्तो हुदैनथ्यो ।पोईला जाने सोचाई पनि बेला मौकामा आउँथ्यो तर त्यो घरका पाडा बाच्छाको मायाले रोक्दथ्यो । यति मीठा थिए ती बाच्छा बाच्छीहरु जस्लाई मैले चुम्बन गरेर आनन्द लिन्थें दुख भुल्थें ।

एक दिनको कुरा हो,म बेलुकीको खाना छिटै खाएर घर परतिरको गोठमा ढिकी जाँतोको काममा ब्यस्त थिएँ ।घरमा सासुससुराहरु निदाई सकेछन ।म सधैं सुत्ने कोठाको बिस्तारामा पुग्दा एउटा लोग्ने मान्छे सुतिरहेको पाएँ ।म निकै अप्ठेरोमा परें। आफ्नै पतिदेव पाल्नुभएछ कि  भन्ने ठानें, साँझमा एउटा २२/२५को यूवक सासुलाई फुपु भन्दै आएको थियो । उ पाहुनाकै रुपमा आएको थियो ।मैले राम्ररी चिन्दैनथें ।मैले उसंग परिचय पनि गरेकी थिइन ।उसैलाई मेरो कोठामा सासुले किन सुताईन होला र भन्ने पनि सोचें ।बत्ती बाल्ने तुरुन्त उपाय थिएन ।अन्त गएर सुत्ने राम्रो प्रबन्ध नहुँदा म अलमलमा परें । त्यसैबेला त्यो मानिस सलबलायो ।
मैले बिस्तारै सोधें “को हो?”
  उसले पनि मसिनो स्वरमा भन्यो “म हो”
  मेरो चुराको आवाजले उ लोभिएछ ।पुरुषको गन्धले मलाई सिरीङ्ग पार्यो ।मैले ठानें “आफ्नै पति बाहेक कसले साहस गर्यो होला र मेरो कोठामा आउन”।मेरो मातृत्व थोरै लोभियो ।लिप्सालाई त म दबाउन सक्थें ।म खाटको नजिकै गएर चाल बुझ्न खोजें ।उस्ले मलाई हातमा छोएर बस्ने स‍ंकेत गर्यो । म पनि नजिकै थपक्क बस्न पुगेछु । उस्को स्पर्श कडा हुँदै गयो ।म पनि टास्सिन पुगेछु ।एउटा अनुभूतिको संभाब्यताले मलाई मैले भुलेछु ।मलाई कता गई के गरी भन्ने कोही थिएन । त्यसैले पनि म निर्भय भएँ। अँध्यारो कोठामा उस्ले मलाई निर्लज्ज बनाउन खोज्यो । मैले पनि जिवजन्य ब्यबहार गरें ।हामी दुवै माथि वासनाले शासन गर्यो।सामाजिक विवेक लुकीदियो तर जीवजन्य विवेकले स्याबासी दियो । उ मेरो पति थिएन मैले थाहा पाएँ । हाम्रो आवेग मत्थरिएपछि म झल्यास्स भएँ । म ऊबाट अलिक पर हटें।उस्ले सलाई कोरेर चुरोट सल्कायो ।सलाईको उज्यालोमा उस्लाई मैले अति राम्रो देखें ।उ त्यसदिन आएको पाहुना थियो ।उसले मेरो चेहरामा पुलुक्क हेरेर अलि नमुस्कुराउँदै सलाईको उज्यालो सकियो । अब मलाई भयले सतायो।बोल्न हुने भएन । त्यहाँबाट बाहिर निस्कें । रातको साढे एघार बजेको हुँदो हो ।मलाई सामाजिक भयले कमायो । म लुक्न खोजें ।आत्महत्या पनि सोचें तर के के ले मलाई ढिकी नजिकै पुरायो ।त्यहाँ एउटा गुन्द्री थियो ।त्यसैमा रात काटें ।

बिहान उठेर सधैं झैं गोठ धन्दा गर्दासम्म त्यो यूवक निस्केको थिएन । म घाँसदाउराको लागि वनतर्फ लागें ।मेरो मनमा अनेक तर्कना भए पनि शरीरमा स्फुर्ति थियो ।दशबजे तिर घरमा आउँदा घरमा पाहुना थिएन ।त्यसैबेला देखि मेरो महिनावारी रोकियो ।चार महिनापछि मेरो पेट नै ठुलो देखियो ।सासुससुराले अब तँ माईत जा भने । मैले बचन शिरोधार्य गरें ।अज्ञात पुरुषसँग संसर्ग गरी गर्भ समेत धारण गरी सकेकीले संबन्ध विच्छेद गरी पाउँ भनी मेरो श्रीमानले मुद्दा दिएछन ।मेरा दाजु बुवाले लोग्नेकै गर्भ हो भनेर प्रत्युत्तर दिनु पर्छ भन्ने दवाब दिए ।मैले ल्याप्चे र हस्ताक्षर दुवै गरें ।कुरा यही हो श्रीमान । न्यायधीशले ट्वालट्वाल्ती हेरिरहे ।

(This story is written by my Buwa, J.P Paudel,some 25 years ago…And I am missing him alot,while celebrating my 22nd birthday)

Getting 23 feels good but the journey was tough, yet pleasant.

And Mum, my Phoenix…I owe you these 22 staircases of this life-ladder. Each case was made up of your sufferings, your sacrifices, your graces and your love. You nourished me, my life, like the Ganges nourish the Indian plains.
You were always there, always at work, silent, submissive and lenient. I passed through your tears of years. You gave me 100%; I could not give you even a single percent. Now it’s late, though I have put my whole being for you, I remained short-handed; vain…to take you out of the mire…..I should not have left you when the colors left you. That was a mistake mum. That was a terrible stroke of fate.Alone, dejected, cold…I can imagine your sufferings and those following tears of yours during those times …that will curse all my life ahead. Forgive me Mum; I was too little to understand such a complicated tragedy of life.  But. There is no escape mum, and I am ready to pay the every price of your suffering. yet I m glad you have always been a Phoenix, you have been that emblem of courageous existence… so much of suffering and so much of enduring and so much of striving and so much of surviving….

You are the bulkiest volume that taught me the most.
You are the faith, you are the hope, and you are the love…..
And you know it, you are the one who inspired me to dream of children and the joy of submitting life for them…And I dedicate these 22 years and years ahead to you, to you Mum, to Phoenix.

आँगनी आज टेकेर गयौं बोल्दा नि बोलिनौ,
के लुकाई ल्याऽथेउ, पटुकी भित्र त्यो पनि खोलिनौ
फर्केर फेरी यै बाटो आए नबिर्सी पस है!
गुन्द्री र काम्लो पिढींमा जे छ तानेर बस है!!

यै बाटो हिडयौ  तर्केर गयौ मन रोयो धर्केर
हेरेर बसें देउराली सम्म आईनौ फर्केर
तर्केर नजाउ मनकी मायालु केइ गरी पस है!
गुन्द्री र काम्लो पिढींमा जे छ तानेर बस है!!

भनेकै थिएँ बाटैमा घर छ कुनै दिन पस है!
गुन्द्री र काम्लो पिढींमा जे छ तानेर बस है!!
Lyrics:I am sorry I dunno

Singer: YashKumar

Imagine you sneak into the bed feeling better and lighter than the kite of autumn-start but when you wake up, you feel as if your waist’s rebelling like a separatist; you grope for  the bathroom, and you pee a stream of blood .What would you do ? Chop- chop! Change and rush to the doctor? Nay…You need not hasten…this is just a cycle honey bunny!!This happens every four days of all your adult-months till the menopausal-hollowness.
And trust me, this is an uncommon experience bestowed upon the fairies only .You are undergoing what the half of the whole population is quite unaware of. Lucky you, you pee blood every month means you are a beautiful woman and the great forces of ‘creation’ are at work inside you. Do you know why it happens? Let me explain it for you; First, I will start with the “grand feeling’” of being born a woman.

You are a woman, God’s Magnum Opus, whom the God created with great artistic intuition and aesthetic endeavor .Look at your own beautiful body for evidence, that sleekness, that fairness, that softness, that spark and wave; those little artistic angles, curves, triangles and pyramids .God’s used all the knowledge of geometry, trigonometry, astrology, and history…to have you made. And you have got such a mighty heart my lady! You are a mother, a wife, a sister; a big ocean of love, care and warmth. You are a nature; you nurture those around you. And you are entrepreneurs, scholars, scientists, mountaineers, space-travelers and everything that human beings can be. You are simply the great. (But I am not meaning to impart that you are the superior gender).God’s equipped you with all the capacity that takes to run the world in proper order. So, God’s set out to another planet to create ‘a world’ in there, entrusting you to manage half of the things of the world here. But before leaving, God made some special arrangements for you; God built a big reservoir inside every woman.

And this is the same ‘reservoir’ because of which we pee blood every month. This reservoir is the source of strength, beauty, love, knowledge, and whatever we have. And, as the world’s changing every minute, the nature of our strength, beauty, love and knowledge is suffering change too. So, to keep up us updated with the fresh changes, our reservoirs needs to be cleaned every month .It’s not only the dead ova that we pee as blood, but also all the stale instincts,ill-desires,envies,weakness that go out as the dark-crimson flakes with pungent smell.

But why is it have to pain so much? Yes you might ask that question. It pains a lot because pain is always involved in every good thing in the world. There is pain in bearing a child, there is pain in writing something, there is pain in climbing a mountain. Just like no machine is 100% efficient, no good-thing is painless. And it pains mainly because for four days, the keeper of the reservoir (God’s own robot) is busy sweeping and mopping the great walls of uterus inside the reservoir .Likewise, the good-sweet fallopian tubes are busy piping the garbage out. This big project creates a big halchal inside and it pains because of the hard work, rushing around, dancing, feasting and celebrating of cleaning the God’s favorite woman’s reservoir and making her ready for a new start, new-born ova, new blood-cells and a new cycle of life.

Now, I hope you understood the simplicity and rationality of peeing blood. I bet it’s a lovely feeling; it makes you feel a complete woman, a fertile woman, a ready woman, an able woman, an updated woman. Because you can not get everything in life, you will have to put up with the pain, weakness and critical-sanitary-situation .As compensation, you are getting that ‘wholesome’,’complete’,’fertile’ and ‘unique’ feeling of being a woman.
So beb, while you are peeing blood, don’t feel down and don’t withdraw. You are always God’s great creature and God loves you more when you are peeing blood because with that process, you are getting cleaned up and getting ready for the biggest purpose of being alive .You are not a Chhaupadi woman, as some culture has tagged you. You are not a Chandalini, as some scripture has labeled you .You are not an untouchable during those days. You don’t have to keep distance with your dad, brothers, and with other male counter parts; you just have to hold your head high. You don’t have to keep kitchen, temples and God at bay, you just have to manage the blood properly and assist your fallopian tubes for that “big cleaning project’. C’mon honey! Wipe your tears …and let’s celebrate womanhood, let’s celebrate peeing-blood. And lemmi sing a “Bobby song” for you:
And: No, woman, no cry
No, woman, No cry
Woman, little sister, don’t shed no tears
No, woman, no cry,
In this great future, you can’t forget your past:
So dry your tears, I say,
No, woman, No cry

जहाँ भर्खर दाईं गरिएका खलाहरुमा डांग्रेका चुच्चाले रहलपहल धान खोजिरहेका  होलान् । त्यो बेंशी काटेर उकालो लागम् ।  मङसिरको मास; बाटामा जन्ती भेटिएलान् ,पलस टु बाट फर्केका केटाकेटी भेटिएलान, आलुको बिउ बोकेर झरेकी आमै भेटिएलिन्, सुन्तला बेच्न हिडेका बा भेटिएलान्, कतार मलेसियाबाट फर्केका दाइहरु भेटिएलान् । चौतारीमा बिसाउँदै बिसाउँदै सबैसँग सन्चोबिसन्चो सोद्दै हिडम्ला । तिमीले घरि घरि त्यहि हिमालतिर क्यामरा सोझ्याईराख्नपर्दैन। माथीबाट अझ राम्रो भ्यु देखिन्छ; एकसयअसी डिग्रीको पुरै रेन्ज । दैलै अगाडीको झलमल्ल हिमाललाइ क्यामरामा कैद गर्न मात्र हैन गर्ल्याम्म अङगालो हाल्न र निधारमा म्वाईं खान समेत पाउनेछौ । एउटा पुरै दिन तिमीले सुर्योदयदेखी सुर्यास्तसम्मै त्यो हिमाल र पहाडको बदलिदों तस्विर खिचौला माथी थुम्कोबाट। बिहानको प्रथम किरण देखी घामले बादलसँग लुकामारी खेल्दै वल्लो डाडाँ देखी पल्लो डाँडाँ सम्म फन्को मार्दा छिनछिनमा पहाडले बदल्ने रंग र लय तिमीलाई साँच्चै मनपर्ने छ । त्यतिन्जेल म मजाले घाममा निदाउनेछु अनि ब्युँझेपछि तिमीसँग किचकिच गरिरहनेछु “छिटो जाम्न” भन्दै, त्यतिबेला तिमी “एकछिन न” भन्दै ट्राइपड घुमाइरहौला।

म त चिसोले पेट ढाडिउन्जेल सुन्तला खानेछु । तिमी जति सुकै कराउ । तिमीले पनि त मैले भनेको बेलामा टोपी लगाउँछौं र ? तिम्लाई गुन्द्रुक भट्मासको झोलभन्दा बरु दालै मनपर्छ हैन ? मलाई दिक्क लाग्नेछ तिम्रा इनएक्टिभ टेस्टबडहरुदेखी । ठूलो स्टिलको ग्लासभरी बाक्लो न बाक्लो दुधको कडा चिया मैले मगाउँदा तिमीले सानो प्रोसेलिनको कपमा ब्ल्याक टि मगाउनेछौ ।मलाई रिसले तिम्रो कानै उखेलिदिउँ जस्तो लाग्नेछ, फेरी चिसोले रातो भएको तिम्रो कान छोएपछी मलाई पक्कै माया लाग्नेछ।

मैले साँझ बिहानै लोकल कुखुराको झोल र भुटन मगाउँदा तिमी लुकेर पर्स स्क्यान गर्नेछौ ।त्यो चाल पाएर मैले नारीवादी दर्शन छाँट्न थाल्नेछु ।“कत्तिन  केटि मान्छेले पैसा तिर्नै नहुने जस्तो, Chauvinist” भन्दै कराउनेछु।तिमी ठुस्केर भित्र भान्साभित्र पसेर अगेनामा होटलसाहुनी दिदीसँग बात मार्न थाल्नेछौं ।अनि म पनि खुसुखुसु अगेनानेर घुस्रनेछु तिमीसँगै ढेस्सीदै । तिमी पर सर्न खोजौला। म झन् झन् नजिक नजिक टासिनेछु। भर्खरै बिहान नुहाएको मेरो कपालको ताजा बास्नालाई तिमी resist गर्न सक्नेछैनौ ।त्यतिबेला तिम्रो अनुहार लाजले गुलाबी होला।हा..हा, हेर्न लायकको होला। होटल साहुनी तिम्रो गुलाबी मुहारको छनक र मेरो चन्चल आखाँको सनक बुझेर दाउरा ल्याउने निहुँमा बाहिर निस्केलिन । चुलोभित्र दाउरा मिलाउने निहुँमा तिमी बिस्तारै मेरो औंला छुन खोजौला । मेरो पालो, म पनि “घाम ताप्छु” भन्दै बाहिर निस्कनेछु । कलिलो घामले पोतिएको मझेरी हुँदै म बाहिर गएको बाटो तिमी हेरिरहौला । मलाई त्यसरी हेर्दा तिम्रो अनुहारमा छचल्किएको त्यो भावलाई म अँखिझ्यालको प्वाल बाट हेर्नेछु। अनि तिमी मुस्कुराएको देख्दा म पनि मुस्कुराउनेछु ।

भर्खरैको ताजा परालले बुनेको गुन्द्रीमाथी पल्टदै म टमस हार्डीको “फार फर्म द म्याडीङ्ग क्राउड” पढ्नेछु ।त्यतिबेला तिमीले ईन्स्ट्यान्ट हाइकु लेख्नु र मलाई सुनाउनु । अनि म तिमीलाइ मेरो अनुहारको स्केच बनाउन भन्नेछु ।तिमीले “त्यसोभए मलाइ हेरेर बस न त” भनौला । मैले फेरि “तिम्रो मनभित्र मेरो कस्तो अनुहार देखिन्छ, त्यस्तै बनाउ” भन्नेछु । तिमीले नाक बाङ्गो र ओठ बाक्लो भएको स्केच बनाउनेछौ । म रिसले आखाँ तर्नेछु । फेरि तिमीले आँखा छड्के भएको स्केच बनाउने छौ । मैले चित्त दुखाउने छु । तिमी जानी जानी मलाइ चिढाउनलाइ राम्रो स्केच बनाउने छैनौ ।तिमीले त्यसो गर्दा मलाइ तिमीसँग एकदमै रिस उठ्नेछ । र मैले तिमीलाइ धाराप्रवाह आरोप लगाउन थाल्नेछु “तिमीले मलाई कहिल्यै माया गरेनौ; कैलेकाही त मलाइ लाग्छ तिमी वास्तवमा कुनै सोलमेटको पर्खाइमा छौ र मसँग त खाली टाइमपास मात्र गरिराखेको छौ” त्यतिबेला तिमीले सधैको जस्तो एउटा सिल्ली मुस्कान दिनेछौ ।म झन् उग्र भएर “don’t crack that silly smile like a clown” भन्दै कराउनेछु ।त्यतिबेला तिमीलाइ मनमनै लाग्ला“यो केटि कति छुच्ची हो…योसँग बाँकी जिन्दगी कसरी बिताउने होला”। तिमीलाइ थाहा छ यस्तो बेलामा तिमी केहिपनि नबोलेको मलाइ मनपर्दैन । अनि म पिलपिल गर्न थाल्ने छु। मैले सुटुक्क आशुँ पुछेको तिमीले मेसो पाउने छैनौ । तिमी साँच्चै कति बुद्घु छौ । म जुरुक्क उठेर कोठामा चुकुल लगाएर सिरकले मुख छोपेर साक्क र सुक्क गर्न थाल्नेछु ।“एउटा राम्रो भ्याकेशन मनाउँ भन्ने सुरले बल्ल बल्ल आएको तेइपनि….” यस्तो सोच्दासोच्दै पुरै सिरानी भिज्ने छ ।यता तिमी बाहिर गुन्द्रीमै; बेखबर । स्वास्नीमान्छेको काँचको मन, ठट्टैमा फुटिहाल्छ ।तिमी धेरैजसो बुझ्दैनौ यस्तो कुरा । यता म बिनसित्तिमा आशुँ बगाइरहदा तिमीले मेरो सुन्दर स्केच बनाउने छौ र सुटुक्क खल्तीमा हाल्नेछौ ।कुनैबेला सरप्राइज दिनको लागि ।

यता म धेरैबेर रोइसक्दा पनि तिमी नआएपछि म आफैं आउनेछु र नजिक बस्नेछु । तिमीले सहज भावमा सोध्नेछौ “आज राती के खाने?” । म केहि बोल्नेछैन । फेरी एक्कासी मेरो दिमागमा एउटा आइडीया आउनेछ । अनि म भन्नेछु  “एउटा कुरा भनम”
“भनन”
“आज नि….”
“अँ..”
“आज राती……”
“के ?”
“आज.. उ के…. केरे.. रक्सी खाम न”
रक्सी?
“तोङ्बा के..हुन्छ नि प्योरवाला…”
“हुँ…नखाने”
“प्लिज के..”
“वाइन स्वाइन पाइने भए त खान हुन्थ्यो…”
“ह्या गाउँमा आएर पनि के को वाइन..”
“होस  …”
“खाम् न के.. पैसा मै तिर्छु”
तिमी हुँदैन भन्दै टाउको हल्लाउँनेछौ । म निराश हुँदै निधार खुम्चाउने छु ।
अनि अरु के के होला ?त्यो साँझ रक्सी खाइएला कि नखाइएला ?  बाँकी सोच्ने काम तिम्रो ……..

The universe is teeming with countless planets. The God is in charge of all. God gives chance to all the creatures to spend at least a life in every planet. Right now I am spending a life in the Earth. Before this, I was given a chance to lead a lovely life in the planet Tockeet, which literally means something like the merge of word ‘happiness’ and ‘laziness’. The planet is located at the northern edge of the galaxy lying next to Andromeda. This is certainly not the best planet, but, I remember well, everything worked differently there, comparing to the Earth. There, God communicated directly to us. God was not mystified as in the earth. God used to stand tall, distinct and roamed around valley after valley, country after country like “Gandalf “of the series “lord of the Rings”.

The most interesting feature of the planet was that, there was nothing called”the time” in the planet. There was no fixed time for anything. We could do anything we liked and anytime. It would rain and shine according to our will. There were flowers, clouds, haze, rainbows, mist, wind and everything as we want them. There was not much work. We always sleep in big grass, feed on cotton candies, laugh aloud, talk, trek, and paint. We didn’t have to do any job .Everybody was equally happy and equally sad. We used to spend time sleeping, talking, singing, playing roaming and eating lazily. We had limited desire and had power to control our desire, we had little means and little choice and little ends. We were taught in group, we were taught about the other planets.

One day, when I was taught about the planet Earth, I felt a strong desire to go to that planet. We were taught that, the Earth was the planet of Achievers, planet of Hard workers .I was remained agape in awe when I learnt that the people of the Earth were in the verge of conquering the planet and ruling all the planet of the universe. God was our master; he told us all about the landscape and resources of the earth. I learnt that some of the denizens of “our planet” had already been to the earth and had accomplished a remarkable life in the earth.  I suddenly longed to be there in the planet earth because, I could sing, dance, weave stories and make beautiful pictures and I thought it would not be hard for me to earn a living in the earth with those attributes.

It was my mum who resisted my decision to go to the earth. She said that the Eartherners were egoistic, they run their life according to “time”, and there were maladies and malice. But I convinced her that I would put up with everything. My father encouraged my bold decision and taught me few things about the earth that did not exist in our planet like “success”, ”management”, ”aim”. The god also did not want me to go to the earth because I was a lovely person and too naïve to run according to the rules of the earth. The God told me that the Eartherners had no respect for our planet and they called the planet “Tockeet”to be the “Land of Invalids”.It was saddening to know that the Eartherners knew us as “lazy, stupid, slow and dumb” people.

But still, I was not daunted and I insisted the God to take me to the earth. God offered me the choices, whether I wanted to be a plant or animal, I chose to be able to sing loud and walk faster. I chose to be a woman because I wanted to look fairer and produce young ones. I chose to born in a poor country and in a poor family because I didn’t understand God’s question “want to be a rich or a poor?” (Everyone was equal in Tockeet you know), and I chose the word “poor” for its strong vowel and easy pronunciation.

That’s how I came to the earth and to Nepal. Since I was originally from the planet ‘Tockeet’, I had some great ‘feeling’ and ‘expressing’ capacity, so, from the small place of my birth, I was taken to Kathmandu (big place). My Mum and Dad (my original mum and dad accompanied me to the earth and here also they are my mum and dad) always reminded me that I am in the planet Earth, so I must live like an Eartherner .Though they always lived like “tocketeers”, they wanted me to do everything in “earthern” way. For many years, I pretended to be a real”eartherner” and tried to “manage” things and be “successful”. Life became hard. I started feeling uneasy. Being a original”Tocketeer”,I always wanted to sleep,eat,talk,sing,dance,paint and be lazy and be happy. But to be eligible for the earth, one must “study hard”, “work Hard”, and “have clear aim”, “respect time “and “Mange things”. Slowly I started withdrawing. I started loathing earthly things because here people did not care for “self-happiness” but run after money. Here, people maintained ‘a family’ even if they are not happy. Here, People could not marry if they do not have money. ”Sadness “was encouraged in the name of “discipline”.

Now, I have realized that I should not have insisted to come to the earth. If I am not happy with “studying in college” and I decide to quit, people blackmail me by showing a dark future. If I am not happy with “doing a job” and decide to quit, people blackmail me by naming it as my ‘inability to recognize my inner talent’. Now I have recognized my true self that actually belongs to the world of Invalids. In the earth, Laziness is a very negative word. But I love being lazy the most. No..no no…..Dear God…I m fed up with all these Earthly rules and regulations…I don’t want to be successful…I don’t want to earn money…I don’t want to achieve….I just want to be lazy, I want to be fat, I want to eat a lot, sleep 22 hours and spend my time lazily talking and singing and dancing and reading and writing…..Please God…Rescue me. I want to go back to my original planet, the planet of invalid and lazy people.