Nightmares again:with IOL

IOL aftermaths. Last night I dreamt of cycling down the mountain lanes through a sheer madness of mountain under the creeping darkness and thuds and pats of incessant rain. I was letting myself winding down like Sai, tears flowing, towards an unknown landscape of darkness. And by the time I reached the bottom of the mountain, I was surrounded by a mass of rioters and they robbed me like Biju from USA, Yamricka, Amricka.Panick-striken, I sought a shelter in a small,dark,dingy hot like that of the Cook’s. And the grins and grimace, twists and twirls in the Judge’s face, while he was shoving Nimi’s face down the toilet seat kept on gnawing my mind, nibbling as if electrocuting. And I cursed Gyan with the surging wrath and scorn, the fine dough of MOMO’s skin was squeezing the   coy mutton keema inside hard, such a cruel toss of fate, prejudice, and humiliation. And I felt like baffled in the ragged-jute-bag and stolen away like Mutt, never to come back. Oh Yamricka Amricka, the golden land, the land of hot dogs and dry martini, now having abandoned thy…Where am I to head? With all but the inheritance of defeat, humiliation and submission!!



But someone has said, “Follow your heart”. That’s what I am doing. Sai, yes…Let’s run away together…



Just praying for the better days to come….


nothing’s coming to mind. Cold’s eating my head out. Mum does not eat much.Couldn’t finish the task I was suppposed to do. Couldnt go to the college tour. PPl are angry with me.Blog’s angry with me.My word’s are angry with me.

Waiting for the EOU.Hope thr will be sm sort of cleansing and new begining.

All I am doing is praying .

होस्टे हैंसे

आउ साथी मार्च गरौं
तिम्रो सुकेको घाँटी
मेरा झरेका आँसुले भिजाउं
तिम्रा भिजेका परेला
मेरा दग्ध छातीमा दलौं।

तिम्रो फुटेको मुटु
मेरो बहेको रगतले रसाऔं
मेरो फाटेको हिया
तिम्रो काटेको छालाले टालौं।

मलाई रोपेको सियोले
तिम्रो गढेको काँडा झिकौं
तिमीलाई ठोकेको नेलले
मलाई छोपेको माटो फालौं।

मलाई कसेको डोरीले
तिम्रो खण्डित आशा बाधौं
तिमीलाई धसेको खुकुरीले
मलाई कसेको डोरी काटौं ।
आऊ साथी काँधमा काँध मिलाऊ ।

The poet is my Dad,again, and I dedicate this to you,dear Sangharsha….


Around a week ago, I got a call from an emerging writer/translator .He asked me if I want one of my blog entry ‘No Woman, no, cry’ to be translated into Nepali and to be published as an op-ed piece in one of the most happening dailies of Nepal. I was glad to have that offer. But then, I told him honestly that, whatever was written was better expressed in English, Nepali would be more of an impediment for  the transmission of that particular theme, and that the blog is merely a blog, a figment of mind out of nothingness… Moreover, that does not make up to the mark of an op-ed article. And then a new friend of mine, a lady, exclaimed in a chat that she liked it so so much…

It was great listening to those appreciations, and it was greater, again, to hear some serious doubts, scrutinized criticisms from some honest skeptics. My former boss, told me about the post ‘I felt uncomfortable Avinashi jee, k k kasto kasto k…kaha naturally hune Kura lai bhagwansanga lagera jodera….’ ‘Agreed sir! ‘I retorted. And again I got a mail from faraway, from a practicing Alchemist. I am posting that here jastako tastai:
I sometimes read your blogs
I sometimes read your blogs, whenever I get time and I can remember there are interesting ideas that I can read without paying a penny, and generally, they are filled up with good stuffs. As of few days, I am feeling a too much feministic waves in your blog, and in this article. I am feeling like this, maybe I have cleaned my mind with the unpleasant cultural aspects raised with monthly cycles in our society, which are outcomes of greater socio-economic problems. These problems will be no more a big problem, if we educated and aware people try beginning to clean up the traditional mindsets in our own home. Anyway the issue, I want to make aware is not this, but something else.
I think, no educated and open minded man, who has understood the natural physiology disagrees with your idea of natural highhandedness bestowed to women (and also to all the females of a species) by Mother Nature. But highlighting this very universal truth as subject of greater emphasis of natural advantage over male is not so good idea. Sometimes, I think beauty in many other species of life is a matter of male subject, rather than female: see peacock over peahen, and male of superior bird paradise to female, or exotic fishes, there is a long list.. But Avinashi’s, this blog is trying to demonstrate the highhandedness over the other wheel of life. Its Nature’s decision-male cannot even feel this delightment of peeing blood……
Similarly, this blog has so many contradictory remarks, like menstruation is Gods’ updation of woman, so what about post-menstruation women, are they outdated? “…God loves when you are peeing…” so what about those ladies who completed that particular period of lifecycle?  It also says, peeing blood is the sole and greatest purpose of life, and who created the garbage there?  Your blog also indirectly approves the traditional male dominated idea of taking woman as machine…
Sometimes writers explain the physiochemical process so funny…same is here machines, robots….
I think you are among few persons who have known so much about humiliation that woman undergoes in these 4 days due to mindset of our society. We all have read the hateful issues that the women of remote areas like far-western Nepal go through. You have reached so many such areas, why don’t you raise those here.

What a momentum! What a refine and precise points, Mr.Karki, I am indebted.
So, now should I have to tell anything further? I don’t know. I am but a Ghost, of a dead writer, blogger. I just want to say, One day I will come up with a better manifestation of my random dots of thoughts.
Thanks a lot for everyone, who read and commented and also to those who did not.

विस्मित इजलास

“प्रत्युत्तर पत्रमा उल्लेख गरेको बाहेक छुट हुन गएको तपाईंको कुनै जिकिर छ कि?” भन्ने प्रश्न गर्दै न्यायधीशले राधिकाको मुखमा पुलुक्क हेर्छन् । गंभिर र भावुक मुद्रामा उभिएकी राधिकाको मुखबाट कुनै आवाज निस्केन, केवल अनुहार मात्र बोल्यो । मुखाकृतिको अध्धयन गर्नाले मात्र उनी भित्रको बेदना पूर्णरुपले बुझ्न नसकिएपनि त्यहाँ असजिलोपना भने प्रष्ट झल्किन्थ्यो । न्यायधीश रवाफीलो स्वरमा पून बोले “ईजलासमा नबोलेर न्याय पाईंदैन”
 राधिकाले पनि ओजीलो पारामा जवाफ दिईन् “मैले न्याय प्राप्तिको विश्वाश गरेकी पनि छैन”
  राधिकाको पेचिलो शब्दबाणले आहत भएका न्यायधीश विस्मित हुँदै कागजतर्फ हेरेर पढ्दै कानुनी प्रश्न गर्छन “म मेरो पतिको सतमा छु ।मेरो पेटमा छ महिनाको गर्भ छ ।कुनै परपुरुषसँग मेरो सम्पर्क भएको छैन ।मलाई कुल ईज्जत अनुसार खान लाउनको ब्यबश्था होस । म सम्बन्ध बिच्छ्द गर्न चाहन्न ।” भन्ने प्रत्युत्तर पत्र तपाईंको हैन?
“मेरो त होईन मेरा शुभेच्छुकहरुको हो।”
राधिकाको यो भनाईले न्यायधीशमा विस्मयता बढ्दै गयो र ट्वाल्ल परे।
मिसिल पेश गर्ने एकजना विचारी नाके स्वरमा बोले”यो आईमाईको त दिमाग ठीक छैन जस्तो छ श्रीमान “।
न्यायधीश विचारीसँग जंगिए “दिमाग ठीक छैन भन्ने हामीसँग के प्रमाण छ”
 “इजलास मै यस्तो सिङ न पुच्छरको कुरा गरेपछि अरु के चाहियो र श्रीमान विचारी” ङिच्च हाँसेर कपाल कन्याए ।

न्यायधीश गंभीर भएर राधिका तर्फ हेर्छन ।राधिकाको शीर झुकेको भएपनि नूर गिरेको थिएन ।उनको भावपूर्ण अनुहारका तेजिला आखाँले घरि भुँई र घरि न्यायधीशको अनुहारलाई घोची रहेका थिए।उनका बाबु, दाजु र अन्य माईतीहरु ईजलासको बाहिर पट्टि थिए। इजलासको गतिविधीसँग बिचराहरु अनभिज्ञ थिए ।आफ्नै छोरी र बहिनीबाट उनीहरुको योजना भत्किरहेको कुरा उनीहरुलाई के अड्कल ?
छोटो समयको स्तब्धतालाई तोड्दै न्यायधीशले पून राधिकालाई कोट्याउने प्रयत्न गर्छन “तपाईंको प्रत्युत्तर पत्र झुट्ठा हो त?”
 केहि अन्कनाएर राधिका बोल्छिन “मेरो हित चिन्तकहरुले गर्न लगाएको कुरा म कसरी भनौं”
 “तपाईंको श्रीमानसँग सहबास भएको छ कि छैन त?”
 “छैन” राधिका निर्धक्क भन्छिन ।
“त्यसो भए तपाईंलाई वादीले लगाएको आरोपमा तपाईं सावित हुनुभयो ।यो मुद्दामा तपाईंको हार हुन्छ “”मेरो जीत हुदैन न्याय पाउँदिन त मैले अगाडी नै भनिसकेकी छु”
न्यायधीशको बल्ल बल्ल पलाएको तुजुकलाई राधिकाको जवाफले निस्तेज पारिदियो ।न्यायधीश पून सोच मग्न भए ।उनलाई यो घटना अभुतपुर्व लाग्यो ।आजसम्मको सबभन्दा असजिलोपना यसैलाई ठाने।प्रतिवादीले वादीकै पक्षमा न्याय मागेको र प्रत्युत्तर पत्रमा एउटा कुरा अनि मुखले अर्को कुरा माग्ने झगडिया न उनले कहिल्यै भेटेका थिएनन् ,न त यस्तो होला भन्ने सोचाई नै थियो ।उनले पढेको कानुन र न्याय शास्त्रमा यस्तो कुरा उल्लेख पनि थिएन ।उनको इजलासमा यस्तो खालको झगडिया उभिएकै थिएन।जे होस कानुनको सम्राट हो, सधैं कागज प्रमाणको घोडामा सवार गर्छ । लिखितमका अगाडी बकितमको के अर्थ? प्रत्युत्तरपत्रमै लेखिएको कुरा सत्य मान्नुपर्छ।कानुनले न्याय नगरेपनि फैसला त गर्नै पर्छ ।यस्तै सोचाईले गर्दा न्यायधीशको असमन्जस्यताको स्थितीमा केहि परिवर्तन आयो र फेरि राधिकाको अनुहारतर्फ हँसिलो दृष्टी फैलाएर सोध्छन:
‘खैर जे सुकै होस, एउटा कुरो भन्नुस, तपाईंको पेटमा भएको गर्भ कस्को हो?”
“मेरो पेटको गर्भ अरु कसैको हुनै सक्तैन।त्यो मेरो हो।आफ्नो पेट भित्रको बस्तुपनि अरु कसैको हुन सक्छ र?”

Continue reading

To Mum,to Phoenix

I just completed 22 years of my life, and I owe my life to mum,to Phoenix,who is seriously ill these days ……but she will renovate because she is the phoenix.And I dedicate this blog to Mum,my Phoenix.

Getting 23 feels good but the journey was tough, yet pleasant.

And Mum, my Phoenix…I owe you these 22 staircases of this life-ladder. Each case was made up of your sufferings, your sacrifices, your graces and your love. You nourished me, my life, like the Ganges nourish the Indian plains.
You were always there, always at work, silent, submissive and lenient. I passed through your tears of years. You gave me 100%; I could not give you even a single percent. Now it’s late, though I have put my whole being for you, I remained short-handed; vain…to take you out of the mire…..I should not have left you when the colors left you. That was a mistake mum. That was a terrible stroke of fate.Alone, dejected, cold…I can imagine your sufferings and those following tears of yours during those times …that will curse all my life ahead. Forgive me Mum; I was too little to understand such a complicated tragedy of life.  But. There is no escape mum, and I am ready to pay the every price of your suffering. yet I m glad you have always been a Phoenix, you have been that emblem of courageous existence… so much of suffering and so much of enduring and so much of striving and so much of surviving….

You are the bulkiest volume that taught me the most.
You are the faith, you are the hope, and you are the love…..
And you know it, you are the one who inspired me to dream of children and the joy of submitting life for them…And I dedicate these 22 years and years ahead to you, to you Mum, to Phoenix.

कुनै दिन पस है!

भनेकै थिएँ बाटैमा घर छ कुनै दिन पस है!
गुन्द्री र काम्लो पिढींमा जे छ तानेर बस है!!

आँगनी आज टेकेर गयौं बोल्दा नि बोलिनौ,
के लुकाई ल्याऽथेउ, पटुकी भित्र त्यो पनि खोलिनौ
फर्केर फेरी यै बाटो आए नबिर्सी पस है!
गुन्द्री र काम्लो पिढींमा जे छ तानेर बस है!!

यै बाटो हिडयौ  तर्केर गयौ मन रोयो धर्केर
हेरेर बसें देउराली सम्म आईनौ फर्केर
तर्केर नजाउ मनकी मायालु केइ गरी पस है!
गुन्द्री र काम्लो पिढींमा जे छ तानेर बस है!!

भनेकै थिएँ बाटैमा घर छ कुनै दिन पस है!
गुन्द्री र काम्लो पिढींमा जे छ तानेर बस है!!
Lyrics:I am sorry I dunno

Singer: YashKumar

No, woman, No cry

(This piece is strictly feminine, a tribute to womanhood and specially dedicated to my sister and niece who are just coming to the world of adult-womanhood)

Imagine you sneak into the bed feeling better and lighter than the kite of autumn-start but when you wake up, you feel as if your waist’s rebelling like a separatist; you grope for  the bathroom, and you pee a stream of blood .What would you do ? Chop- chop! Change and rush to the doctor? Nay…You need not hasten…this is just a cycle honey bunny!!This happens every four days of all your adult-months till the menopausal-hollowness.
And trust me, this is an uncommon experience bestowed upon the fairies only .You are undergoing what the half of the whole population is quite unaware of. Lucky you, you pee blood every month means you are a beautiful woman and the great forces of ‘creation’ are at work inside you. Do you know why it happens? Let me explain it for you; First, I will start with the “grand feeling’” of being born a woman.

You are a woman, God’s Magnum Opus, whom the God created with great artistic intuition and aesthetic endeavor .Look at your own beautiful body for evidence, that sleekness, that fairness, that softness, that spark and wave; those little artistic angles, curves, triangles and pyramids .God’s used all the knowledge of geometry, trigonometry, astrology, and history…to have you made. And you have got such a mighty heart my lady! You are a mother, a wife, a sister; a big ocean of love, care and warmth. You are a nature; you nurture those around you. And you are entrepreneurs, scholars, scientists, mountaineers, space-travelers and everything that human beings can be. You are simply the great. (But I am not meaning to impart that you are the superior gender).God’s equipped you with all the capacity that takes to run the world in proper order. So, God’s set out to another planet to create ‘a world’ in there, entrusting you to manage half of the things of the world here. But before leaving, God made some special arrangements for you; God built a big reservoir inside every woman. Continue reading

True-Type Colors

It was a training session and her angular fingers were dancing against the faint pale light of the Projector. For me, all she was the pink fingers with crimson nail-paint. ‘projects’, ’management’ ,’planning’, ‘risks ‘…..I heard her words in fragments ; wholesome was only the  maroonness  of her parting lips.
Yes, all I noticed was colors; all I cared was colors, all I felt was colors, and all I understood was colors. Throughout the presentation, all I cared was the pale light of the projector; I noticed the beams, the flush of light and the impression of the color it created. For me, it was the true-type color for it smudges everyone with the paleness, whoever comes along.
I did not care the singularity of the building, but the many-colored Bougainvilleas; red, yellow, pink, white. I did not care what the people have to say, but the Red-blue-black-ash- colored hoods they wore. I did not care how the meal tasted but the silverness of the rice and greenery of Saag.
How many colors…how many colors….how many colors….Colors were everywhere and no two colors were similar. Everything possessed color; advancing colors and receding colors. Even the water was colored in the dingy pond and the air was colored on the sunny yard. But why so many colors? Why everything was not just red or purple or green? May be because every one-thing has to be different from every other-thing. That’s what lives’ve got to be too; one different from each. And, all the colors must be very significant and special, if not, why would God create those uncountable colors with such a delicacy and deliberations? And most of the colors are true-type colors…because they affect moods, they affect impressions, they affect lives and they affect fates.