During the adolescence, I dreamt of the Ashen Flatland. I loved the Gulmohars, mimosa, Ashoka, Paddy, wheat, mustards, the caravans and the avenues. But never imagined, it would beckon me and noose me towards it one day. It used to be just another choutari in the journey of life but little did I thought that one day, it would be an inescapable passage of my way.
One day I was hurled at the ashen flatland under the insanity of the scorching sun. Who could walk to the sun of the flatlands? No one. Neither could I. I needed some good air, pure water, fresh tea and a cozy heart-to-heart discussion. I hated the polluted gullies, allies and the follies. And next, the destiny dragged me there .I was afraid at first. But then the air made me feel home. There were rounds of amneties, memories, nostalgic stories, despairs, hopes, persuasions, dissaduations; expression of common exasperations and Mum-reminding Sel-Roties before it rained .The rain changed my day with the lightening and thunder. The hailstones stroke me heavily, the night-shawl slowly baffled the flatland and despite myself, I was frying chicken in the kitchen.
I loved everything, the ginger tea, the waving trunks, the storm, the hailstones, the downpour, the hail-bitten onion shoots, lush broccolis, rose groove and the fragrance of the tilled earth. Bhagya ko khel .Graha Dasha bigrera…..hehehe what a fatalism! But it’s true…Graha Dasha Bigrepachhi ke ke hunchha hunchha…Bigarchha Graha Dashale, Saparchha Graha Dashale….whatever the Geeta Sar is jindabaad ,Je Hunchha,Ramrai ka lagi hunchha .All’s well that ends well,hainata ? Despite the perfect hospitality and thorough acceptance, the enduring reality that, I was encroaching upon the ashen flatland that does/did not belong to me, kept on gnawing me within. Tesaile, I consider the day as one “missing day” of my life. It will be like a lingering patch of scar on my skin all my life. Never in my life, I think, will I have to mention the “missing Friday” of my life to anyone coz people might not bear the delicate emotion of the encroachment. But that might be a good granny-sleeping-time story.
However, not all went well. I went there for a solution but returned emotionally fluctuated. Though I am not fool enough to buy all the stories for granted, I am moved definitely. It was an observation, how life can flip 180 in a matter of day. How a simple choice of love of a stranger can affect the entire life of dozens of people, including me. May be I could identify myself with the protagonist (antagonist?) of the story, may be I discovered another hue of feminine existence, May be I became wise enough to get lessons from other people’s mistakes.With lots of Mays and Mights, One thing dawned on me clearly, that, God has entrusted me this little” mission” to undertake and accomplish and this is why I am created. God has put my duty for this life in front of me. This is my Dharma; this is my Karma that will eventually liberate my soul from the vicious circle of sinful existence (God! I just realized that I have become a die-hard atheist).
I am grateful to the God for shaping my life as vivid as silhouettes. With this grave mission, you made me a solemn ocean; otherwise, I would have been wandering crazily like a mad stream along the treacherous trails, worklessly and worthlessly. I see the lights, I see the duty, I am so grateful, overwhelmed and committed…but my dear God! Are you sure, I am the right person for this mission? Can I make it? Do I deserve this big deal? I am a simple woman (not an angel or fairy that you normally entrust such a mission)…..I don’t have the magic wand to wave out the obstacle on the way, I don’t have the magic spell to cast upon the evil eyes that paved my way…..I have flesh, appetite, desire, pursuit and obsession of my own kind …what if they come to my way? What if I fail to accomplish it? What about my own pursuit of happiness and freedom? What if I too turn selfish one day? What if I happen to hurt people and trample their dreams underfoot? Let’s hope I don’t stray. Let’s hope, I find my freedom in their freedom. Sushama, I am thinking of you at the moment. I hardly believed you when, a year ago, you came up with the intuition that “God Has Entrusted This Mission to You”. However, I believed it only after encroaching upon the ashen flatland. Hats off to your intuition!
And You, You are right when you say we should not go for all the seemingly good things in life.
But life sometimes presses us so hard with its urge for love , lust , wealth , care, bond ,happiness, security , desire….that all that you think is it’s rational to jump to “seemingly good thing” from “seemingly bad thing”.Though,at face the “seemingly good thing “looks like” seemingly bad thing” .I respect your theory of “FG not FG” and your adherence to the pervasive and unabated truth ,nevertheless, I request you to internalize another facet of the truth ,remember “What men live by ? “. You know, God is all and love is God. Only God makes you a man.
When you’ll go away
It would not matter that you have gone away
What would matter is
How hard you have tried to stay …………………..
P.S. Forgive me for encroaching upon your ashen flatland